22 Things That I Am Thankful For

This Thanksgiving, I want to share just a short list of things that I am thankful for. Since I am 22 years old, I decided to choose one special something that makes me thankful to represent each year of my life.

1. Lena Dunham
I am thankful for Lena because she has opened the minds of many young women to the ideas of feminism. All growing up, I was like so many others. I thought that Feminism was about women being better than men, but that isn't what it means. Lena has shown people that equality of the sexes is important no mater what name it goes by. She's a popular icon in the media, bringing light to women's issues, because those issues are also human issues.

2. Growing Up With A Sister
I am so thankful for growing up with a sister. Even though Stephanie and I yearned for a brother, she taught me a lot. I was able to grow up with someone by my side who understood my experiences as a young woman. This ties right back into Feminism. She taught me that I can do anything, so really my sister was my first Feminist role model. I was lucky to have someone who understood broken hearts, periods, how it felt for a boy to snap your bra straps in the middle school hallway, among many other things. Thanks, sis.

3. Ex-Boyfriends
I'm thankful for those pesky ex's. I have loved and hated these men, but they gave me important lessons. They taught me that compliments aren't love, that disrespect isn't acceptable, that buying my dinner doesn't mean that I should marry someone, that physical violence is destructive to the confidence and self-worth of another person, but mostly, they taught me that I deserved better.

4. Friends That Became Family
For Jessica, Shelby, Lori, Moose, Kandice, Cydney, Juan, Sarah, Katherine, Tyler, Samantha, Lee, Raneem, Paige, Tom, Ashlie, Jess E., Eddie, Andrea, Geanette, Olivia, Caleb, Rachelle, Dustin, Nicholas, Nathan, and so may others.

5. Compliments
I am thankful for the compliments that other people give me. From saying "thank you" for something I said, to complimenting my appearance, these little things may seem so small in passing, but they mean a lot to me. I have had self-esteem issues since I was a child and I am really grateful to those who have helped me feel like I am enough. Thank you for helping me feel beautiful, inside and out, when I feel anything but.

6. Constructive Criticism
Along with compliments, I'm thankful for the criticism, too. The comments, tips, and feedback that people give me help me to be my best self. Even the mean critiques help me. So, keep that coming. In some cases, haters can absolutely be motivators!

7. Education
In May, I will have completed both high school and college. 18 years of education has been grueling at times, but I am thankful for it, nonetheless. My college degree was earned by just me, which gives me the proof that I am an intelligent and hard-working young woman. Powerful and full of potential.

8. Music
I am so incredibly thankful for music. I am consistently inspired, moved, motivated, empowered, and invigorated by music. (Shoutout to Taylor Swift, who always, always, always makes me feel like an individual, like I am worthy of greatness, like there is nothing I can't do.) Music has helped me push though a rough childhood and gave me a connection to a life that was greater than I could imagine in those years. I owe music my life.

9. Financial Stability
I'm thankful for being able to afford rent, food, clothing, and all my basic needs, along with so much more. So may people are struggling, but I have the ability to not only keep myself afloat, but help those around me who need it. I'm so grateful.

10. Sadie, My Civic
I am thankful for something that I earned, that I love, and that is reliable. She's a beautiful little car and I feel so blessed for the ability to have a possession that is a nice as my baby, Sadie.

11. Holidays
Holidays always make me thankful. These days are built into our culture, days that are made to celebrate the greatness of life and give us time to spend with people we love. I love the holiday season and the fact that people's kindness shines through. Holidays are a great example of how we could all be every day of the year.

12. Clocks and Calendars
Weird, I know. I am really thankful for the marking of time and events in our lives. Fun fact, even since I was in high school, I have kept my calendars and planners. I love that I can look back and see events and time that I spent with people marked on a page. Our memories don't always recall all the time we have spent with others that we love, but keeping old calendars allows me to take a look at my past and gives me a flood of those those special times.

13. My Mom
She makes me crazy, but she gave me life, and for that, along with her friendship, support, and love, I will forever be thankful. I love you, Mom.

14. Wine
And my mom also makes me thankful for wine. ;) Just kidding, Mom! But seriously a nice glass of wine on a stressful day or on Thanksgiving morning can make a day oh-so-grand!

15. My Fellow Writers
For feedback and being understanding of my freakish creative process, thank you.

16. Independence 
I'm thankful for the ability to be myself, in every situation. I can't be anyone but myself, no matter the expectations of others. I will always be true to myself. I will never apologize for my personality, my opinions, or what I stand for. Love me or hate me, like it or leave it. I AM THANKFUL FOR ME.

17. My Dogs, Tucker and Shiloh
T's 5th birthday is on Monday (12/1) and I am thankful for the past 4 years that I have gotten to spend with him. Shiloh just turned 12 in September and I am thankful for all the years he has been in my life. Dogs bring light to even the darkest days. I owe these two guys so much!

18. Social Media
I'm actually thankful for social media because it gives me an opportunity to share so much with the people in my life. I love that I can share my opinions on anything from lipstick to Grand Jury rulings, and without social media, having a true voice wouldn't be so easy.

19. Stress-Baking
Lawd, where would I be without stress-baking?! I am so thankful that I enjoy baking and it is a stress reliever, because without baking, I would never make it through midterms, finals, projects, or college in general.

20. Glasses
I am so extremely grateful for science, especially that which lead to the creation of glasses. I have very bad vision (legally blind without my glasses!!) I cannot help but consider how different my life would be without clear vision. Also, I'm thankful for lenses wipes.

21. Tradition
Without tradition, I wouldn't have intense feelings of nostalgia, especially around the holidays. I am thankful for many memories that surround all the fun and wonderful traditions that I carry out every year. With these, I feel like I am carrying a part of my loved ones that are no longer living into the lives of those around me, with my husband, and someday, my children.

22. The Love of My Life, My Husband, Dylan
Every year, every day, every minute, I am in love. For that alone, I will be forever thankful. Dylan has taught me many lessons about life and about myself. He listens and understands my struggles and respects my past. He never makes me feel like I need to hide, or that I, as myself I am not enough. Dylan builds me up and continues to love me through my imperfections. I am thankful for 6 YEARS (on Saturday 11/29) of his smile, his kisses, his love, his trust, his respect, his kindness. I'm thankful for the love that we have build and our ability to always work together as a team. He is my partner, my best friend, my lover, my audience, my husband. Thank you so much for everything you do for me and for us. You are, without a single shadow of a double, my soulmate.

Whatever you are thankful for, share it. Happy Thanksgiving!

For When You Mess Up

We all make mistakes. We often feel stupid/ embarrassed/ mad/ guilty when we make them, which may or may not be a good way to handle what happened. There a millions ways that humans mess up on a regular basis: forget to call, say something unkind, lie (even if to spare someone's feelings), accidentally/purposely break something, cheat on significant other, act selfishly, etc. The list goes on for days. We're humans and we're imperfect.

So, what should you do when you mess up? Sometimes it's big, sometimes it's little. First I suggest putting the situation into perspective. Let's say you go to meet your partner for lunch and you forgot that they had a work meeting. Maybe you text him/her a few times after you get to their workplace, but since they are in a meeting, you don't get a response. Maybe you start sending them less and less friendly messages, until they finally are out of the meeting. Suddenly, you're reminded of the meeting and instantly regret what you did. Depending on how your significant other reacts, you can either apologize or just let it go and move on.

Here's an example from my own life: Last night, the literary and art magazine that I am managing editor for had it's fall 2014 release party. At this event, staff members were running all over campus trying to set up for the event. Once the event was over, I realized that my iPhone was missing. I looked under all the auditorium chairs, on tables, in couches, until I realized that I must have left my phone at the library's information desk. I went to the desk to see if they found a phone and they did not. My husband checked his coat pockets and went to check in the car and it wasn't there, either. I went back to the information desk to double check and a sweet, sweet older gentleman said he would check the security surveillance. After a bit, he came to me and said that they could see that took my phone with me. At that point, I figured that I had set down on an event table and someone picked it up. I looked at Dylan again and asked, "Are you positive you don't have it? Check your pockets, again." He pulled my phone from his pants pocket. Some of the magazine staff stayed with me, trying to figure out what had happened and they all had a good laugh once we found my phone.

When walking to our car to head our for post-party drinks, I asked Dylan to look at me. I gave him a little smirk and said, "That's all I'm going to say about it."

So even when crazy shit happens, you can still keep your head high and forgive. You can't be mad forever over a mistake. Dylan had moved my coat earlier that evening and had my phone fallen out and disappeared, I still would have forgiven him. It may have taken more than a few days, but I would have forgiven him, in the end.

That's what it's all about, being in love and being human. If you can't let go of the mistakes people make, even in your friendships, you won't move forward. That's where enemies lie, in the toxicity that ruminates from unforgiving hearts. Put it into perspective and always remember that a person is not the some of their mistakes. All of our mistakes are fuel to make us better people in the future, fuel to grow beyond what is measurable.

You Are In Love

It was not love at first sight. I did not fall in love on the first date, nor the second. I can't pin-point where in time it actually was that I fell in love with Dylan, but it happened somewhere between our third and fourth dates. It crept up on me slowly and I knew that I liked him quite a bit when my feelings were hurt after he didn't kiss me on date #3.

So many people expect a huge violins-playing-in-the-background moment when they fall in love with the "right" person. I don't know how others experience it, the whole awkwardness of discovering your commonalities, establishing a friendship, beginning to feel comfortable even though you're nervous enough to vomit 10 minutes before you see them feel nauseous.

I suppose I realized that I was in love when I starting telling my friends that he was different, when I didn't share all the details with them because I wanted to keep them for myself, when I took several hours on a hand-written letter that I gave to Dylan on Valentine's Day-- our fourth date.

I couldn't have planned for love. In fact, I was pretty content with the fact that I didn't want to be serious with anyone at that time, but fate is a funny thing. Dylan had never been in love before he met me and actually wasn't planning to ever get married; I was thinking that love was simply something I wasn't going to find in it's true form.

We had no clue what we were doing.

We never played emotional games with each other, which I'm very grateful for after seeing how many people try to manipulate others and/or play tug-of-war with someone's feelings. That shit just doesn't fly around here, a great indication of how mutual respect can be the foundation for the best relationships (friendships, too.)

Through our first dates, I couldn't express what I wanted from him and he didn't know to ask, but somehow we managed to meet at the same place, on the same path. We called it love.

***

Dylan asked me to marry him at "our spot," three days after my birthday, when the snow was ankle-deep. I'm sure he knew that the proposal would be a success, considering I was willing to walk at least a mile in the 12 degree weather on an unsuspecting Sunday afternoon. That's how I see love. That's how I see marriage.

You do anything you can to ensure that your love will last. You do all kinds of things you aren't thrilled about to facilitate your partner's happiness. I let him Google fact-check, even when I know that I'm right. He lets me ramble on and on about the complexities of life. I understand that he needs alone time to process his day. He knows that I'm a little too wild sometimes, but he loves me for that, too. We're imperfect. 

What marriage boils down to is the "how" of the thing. Dylan and I have discussed this for ages, but we both keep coming back to the conclusion that we are soulmates, if there ever was such a thing. We love, deeply and we challenge each other to be the best we can be. He wants me to succeed in every aspect of my life and I encourage him every single day to be true to himself. We disagree sometimes, but eventually we see each other's perspective. Marriage isn't really all that much work, but it does take effort to treat your partner with the highest levels of respect, dignity, and love. We are always seeking to be a better listener or comforter or more understanding. If you aren't best friends, how can you call it love?

So I answered, "Yes."

Even though we had no clue if it would work out. Even though I was 18. Even though we were broke at the time. Even though we knew it would be a risk, in some ways. All of the events that took place in my life before him lead me directly to "yes."