M-A-R-R-I-A G-E

8 little letters cause so many people, specifically Americans, to agree, disagree, and agree to disagree.

Indiana, the state where I was wed and where I live, decided that the same-sex marriage ban that was in place is unconstitutional and began allowing same-sex couples to marry immediately. For those who don't know me personally, it is well-known that I am a huge supporter of same-sex marriage, as I believe that for A-L-L Americans to live life freely and have the true right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, we all need to have equal rights in every way. I admit that after Dylan and I got married, I felt guilty. A newlywed, happy and in love, and I felt G-U-I-L-T-Y. 

I felt guilty knowing that my friends who are gay weren't allowed the same privilege. They weren't allowed that day of love shared with family and friends. They weren't allowed the 1,138 federal benefits that I got by signing a piece of paper. They weren't allowed more adoption options once they were wedded. They weren't allowed to call each other "husband" or "wife," especially in the eyes of the law. 

Marriage is and should be based on one thing: L-O-V-E. The most important 4-letter word there is in the english language. Love means so many things, but most everyone agrees that we all deserve to love and be loved by a significant other. I take my marriage seriously, too, for those of you who may disagree with my point-of-view, so I don't want you to think that I don't because I think same-sex marriage should be legalized by the federal government. This also means that, in no way whatsoever, do I believe that the government should have any control over who we love or marry based solely on sexual orientation. I take marriage, as a whole, very seriously. I was married at age 18, and I knew then, as I know now, that marriage, a fabulous union that allows for mutual respect, mutual support, and mutual love, is a P-R-I-V-I-L-E-G-E, no matter who you marry. 

Besides my personal opinion on the legal aspect of marriage, it takes two very C-O-M-M-I-T-T-E-D people to create a successful marriage. (I choose "committed" over "in-love" because as long as both are truly committed, giving the other person their best, I believe, there will always be love.)

While being in college, I've seen so many girls and guys in and out of relationships, over and over. It seems that when people break up, it is typically because of one person's selfishness:

"She visits her family every weekend."

"He spends too much time going to the bar with his friends."

"I just don't have time for a relationship."

"Who wants to be tied down in college?"

So, yes. Commitment is the proper word for why relationships and marriages are successful. And really to make it through today's dating scene, you have to be committed to putting up with quite a bit of bullshit from those you date, until you're committed enough to call yourself "exclusive" and eventually lead to a possibility of marriage down the road. I guess the other word used to describe marriage would be C-O-M-P-L-I-C-A-T-E-D. 

I am so happy that I do have a successful marriage where my husband and I see so much from the same perspective, where we are both committed. I'm lucky that he knows what it means and what it takes to be a married person. At the end of the day, all actions inside a relationship or marriage are built on the initial love that you share. I love love. Marriage is a wonderful step in life that is extremely special and, albeit scary sometimes, exceptional. Best friends. Lovers. Dog-wrestlers. Frisbee-throwers. Exercise partners. Thunder buddies. Roommates. Teammates. Soul mates. 

So, no matter what side you stand on, can't we all just agree that marriage is B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L?

Find the Unfamiliar

Whether you’re single or have been married for 10+ years, I believe that it is vital to explore. In order to fully experience this wonderful situation called life, we need to accept the fact that we are always growing and changing. A way to really embrace that change is to embrace the feeling that comes with the unfamiliar. 

Just yesterday, my husband and I visited a new place: a small local used and new bookstore on Mass Ave. called Indy Reads Books (below, a photo I took there.) Even though Dylan and I have a long history of stopping at different bookstores, these aren’t the only places we often explore, but a little-known fact, he actually took me to a used bookstore on our third date. Indy Reads is a really cool little place that felt unfamiliar, but also very friendly. (I suppose the bookstore-adventures sort of have an Inception kind of thing going on, as we seek unfamiliar bookstores, which house books that hold often-unfamiliar worlds.)

Throughout our relationship, Dylan has taken me to many places that I’d never been before. I spent a large amount of my childhood in Muncie, IN, so when I visited him and then moved to Indianapolis, I was constantly being introduced to and charmed by new places. 

Needless to say, I’ve gotten very comfortable feeling myself change and become what I call My Final Self in a mass of locations foreign to me, at least until they’re no longer foreign. 

Research theorizes that one’s personality is fully developed at age 7, but they brain isn’t fully developed/matured until 25. This may seem odd, but with a tad bit more than 2.5 years until I am My Final Self, I want to be a sponge. (Not that that means the adventure ends at 25.) Discovery sparks self-discovery, I find. I want the world around me and these explorations to have great impact. I’m sure many people have seen the shirts that have “Feel Good Lost” printed on them, and that’s my goal. No matter where I am in this big old world, I want to feel good lost. 

I enjoy spending time alone in my adventures, just me and my city, but there is something really special to me about finding new hidden nooks scattered in the unknown corners of this spectacular city with my love. Not only do I get to discover some of the city's best-kept secrets, but I get to discover new lengths of our love. It's always changing, just like the city and the seasons, which adds a delightful and incomparable awestruck sensation. 

So here’s what I’ve found: make the most of where you are right NOW. You can wish and hope and dream and plan for a life in another city, country, or continent, but remember to embrace the place that is your home at this very moment. You only have one life, so be in the moment that you’re in; It will thank you.

Love, Love, Love

You.

Deserve.

Love.

Repeat that aloud to yourself. You deserve love, you do. Don't question it or wonder why or how or who loves or is going to love you. You ARE loved. 

After a very unusual upbringing, it wasn't a priority for most of the adults in my life to make sure that I felt loved. On a very basic, human level, we are all loved in one way or another. We love and fall in love with people and places and even things, every single day. Our culture loves to love. A stranger on the street will see your smile and have love for you. The sun shines from space, nourishing your body, and it will love you. A dog that you pet while on a walk has love for you. Love is all of the natural happiness, light, and compassion in the universe. Love doesn't have to be complex, but so many make it that way. 

Now, feeling loved, that's a whole different ballgame. 

We must stop denying ourselves the right to be loved. It has been proven, statistically, that Americans are much harder on themselves than those in other countries. This means that living in the United States will probably make you feel less loved. Weird, huh? I admire celebrities as much as the next person, but I have to say, we live in a culture where many people LOVE celebrities and don't feel that same sort of love for the people that are active in their everyday life. How did we get to the point where people that we will never meet are freely given love, and yet, we have a hard time loving those who surround us daily? 

All of this is beside the love between two people in love. In those relationships, we need to express our love in every way that we can. I do my best to build up my husband with encouragements and being present. He shows his love for me by giving me a huge hug when he gets home from work, as well as helping me with everyday tasks and complimenting my hard work/dedication for my work in my internship/college. We show That Special Someone love in so many ways, but I believe that it is vital for them to know that they are loved so purely, truly, and deeply every day, every hour, every minute. 

Everyone has the incredible ability to build that world that surrounds them. Don't we want to be surrounded with happiness and love?

Of course, people hurt each other and love can fade, but why don't we open ourselves up the the idea of loving something, ANYTHING, about those we know or those we see everyday. I love that my sister can always make me laugh. I love that my husband gives the best advice. I love that my best friends make time for me in their busy schedules. I love that my Starbucks barista knows to spell my name J-e-n-n. I love that the warm, summer wind dries my hair quickly. I love that my bed welcomes me into sleep every night. 

Let's love. Let's love our job. Let's love our friends. Let's love our home.  Open up your heart and feel every emotion you can. Quit being afraid of what people say or think and just live. There is a place and time for everything, but love never goes out of style. 

Be Sexy.

Marriage obviously means that I’ve had at least one successful relationship in my life (not all relationships that end are unsuccessful.) While being married gives a me a different perspective about love and relationships, that doesn't always mean I can answer every question about your love life, but it does mean that I have more experience with a long-term relationship and can allow me to give advice in certain situations. When women discover that I'm married, they believe somehow that I “have my shit together” and it seems to me that they often times rule me out as a threat. I believe that the real question is: Why do women view each other as a threat? 

Women have it hard enough. Society has ridiculous beauty standards that we are expected to live up to in order to be considered a candidate for matrimony and even monogamy. But wait. It really isn't all that simple. Yes, first impressions are important, but after all, aren't we all supposed to look at the individual's soul in order to find a "soul mate?"

I have a challenge for you. Pick up the next women’s magazine that you see and count how many advertisements feature a female that isn’t categorized as SKINNY. If you found even one, you’re in the minority. Now, relationships involve many different aspects: love, friendship, sex, the ability to be a good parent (if that is both partners’ choice,) and even managerial roles. When people choose to marry, do they specifically marry for beauty or sex? Typically not, and I do understand that sex is important in marriage, but why do so many individuals let society determine what we are attracted to? Can’t we find a person’s charm, wit, sense of humor, or their ability to love sexy? It is beyond time that we stop viewing sexuality as just a physical aspect and get to a deeper understanding of what makes a person sexy. Shake off the stereotypical woman that society and advertising companies want you to be and just do the damn thing. BE SEXY. BE YOU.