College, Pt. 1

With my college days coming to an end in less than a week and I've really happy with all that I've accomplished. I have also been thinking about statements that people have said to me about being married in college, which is why I deemed myself as "That Married Girl."


"I couldn't be married in college... I just wouldn't want to be tied down. I want to be able to do whatever I want." 

While in college, I've done just about everything: IU School of Liberal Arts Student Ambassador, tutoring in the University Writing Center, being an Editor before becoming Managing Editor for genesis Literary and Art Magazine, service learning, on- and off-campus volunteering, Greek life, IU School of Education's Student Council, a few different major changes, a few different jobs that weren't related to my career, just to name a few. ;)

Why is it that I've worked my ass off, proving my ability and talent in several different areas of my career, and yet people still believe that marriage means being limited?

No, I don't have much time to do gourmet cook or sew or do laundry, but with my aforementioned schedule, I doubt I'd have time for much recreational activity, but that's not because I'm married.

Yes, I have plenty of time for friends, family, travel, work, exercise, and my education, all while maintaining a fulfilling and rewarding marriage.

No, as a single or dating college student, you do not have more opportunities for sex than I do.

Yes, I do do whatever I want with my time, my body, and my life, but with some consideration for my husband's happiness at the same time.


"When are you having baaaaaaaabies? You two would be great parents."

Notice how no one ever really asks me if I want to have children, but simply when I will have them. I think this assumption is unfair. I've talked with my husband about this at great length, just to see if/how much he gets pressured to become a parent. As far as I know, people have only asked if he currently has children and when he says, "no," they typically drop the subject.

The subject of motherhood is all too often another way our culture pushes women into the archaic ways of life where a woman's worth equated to her ability to bear and raise children; a common topic of discussion for feminists in a society where we're already undervalued.

There's this huge amount of pressure that's put on women to have children, but who can really say that parenting is for me or that I would be a "great parent" when I've had very little experience with children. I don't find myself to be maternal, even though I do try to take care of my friends and have an inviting home where my friends feel comfortable. Just because I'm good at reading, good at planning meals and parties, feel comfortable giving advice to others when it is useful, enjoy spending time discussing ways we can make the world better, have feminine qualities and the biological equipment to give birth, does not mean that I want to be a parent or would be good at doing so.

Just because I am married doesn't mean that I haven't completely become who I am or who I will be in the rest of the years of my life. I'm still trying to get an understanding of who I am and what it is that I want in life; how I'm going to suck the marrow out of life, if you will. My husband and I don't depend on each other, contrary to the popular belief that once you're married you lose your identity. Simply put, I'm young and I haven't got it all figured out just yet.


"This is Jenn. She's married."

I come back to this little quote from my first post.

I am Jenn. It's that simple.

The fact that I'm married at 23 does not define who I am, what I like, where I go, what I say, what I wear, or how I live my life. I am a human being and the fact that I'm "taken" does not mean that I am not flirty or fun, that I am a prude or unfriendly, that I am not a feminist or thinking for myself, etc.

It means that I am Jenn, a free-spirited wild child, with a college degree (almost) who has been married since before she started college almost 5 full years ago. I'm just an in-love married girl, living life the best way I know how.

The Power Struggle

Recently I've spent some time thinking about instances of controversy in my work life. In nearly all the jobs I've had, there have been moments of tension or discomfort between a co-worker and myself. This seems pretty natural to me, as one won't have great chemistry with everyone they work with. But as I was analyzing these conflicts, all pretty minor, I soon realized that all these situations or issues were with a female co-worker.

I'm not writing about this to throw shade at these women, but to raise an important question: Why are (some) women quick to be threatened by another woman's position of power or try to "overpower" a female co-worker?  

For the past (school) year, I have been at the top of an organization, where those who have the same job title as I do are men. I have a second job, where I am basically at entry-level, the same as my co-workers. Yet, the only people who have challenged my work or position have been female.

My generation of millennials often discuss and support feminism, and yet we falter to the same issue as generations before ours. Its so strange that women, the protectors, advocates, and progressors for feminism, are often the sex that acts the least feminist.

TO show how prevalent this is in American culture, let's time travel back to 2004, when Mean Girls came into our lives:

I love Mean Girls as much as the next person, maybe more. Let's remember that this movie is a comedy, which exaggerated behaviors of teen girls at the time. 

Nothing in this movie is a problem and we all find it so funny because we can all relate to some aspect of the storyline. (Not to mention the genius of Tina Fey & Co.) There is, however, a big problem with this film, as it shows fugly truths about our culture. 

As if the constant slut-shaming wasn't enough... Women slut-shame women just as much as men do. Ok, that's ridiculous. How is it that patriarchal ideas and behaviors seeped into the lives of women? 

Women have a strong desire to be viewed and treated as equals, but when we begin to adapt cultural traits that are often anti-women or uphold the idea that men are, for some reason, better than women. This is applicable to the workforce, as well. I never thought that I would receive the most undeserved negativism. I know that I'm not the only woman who has experienced these things.

To work toward fixing this issue, women must be kinder to one another. It's hard enough for women to be respected, to find a good job where you get paid even 3/4ths of what a man in the same position makes, to attain a degree, to not be made fun of when she's having a bad day, to know that people value your intelligence more than your looks (which hardly ever happens, it seems), or a multitude of other behaviors and beliefs that control at least half of our nation's population.

Honestly, I have probably heard and equal amount of slut-shaming coming from men and women, but I've never had a man act as if threatened by my job title. Everything I have gained in college has been earned, not given. 

When I was younger, I was close-minded and ignorant in some ways, one in which I was fine with slut-shaming and even sometimes condemning of a woman expressing/accepting her sexuality. As soon as I understood what I was saying in this and the negative impacts it could have on other people, I stopped. Men have been granted permission by our culture (compiled by both men and women *gasp*) to embrace and flaunt their sexuality.  

America, I think its time to move past the misogyny, already. 

People are people are people. Black, white, tan, purple, blue, green, gay straight, bi, lesbian, trannsexual, asexual, queer, non-gendered, polyamorous, tall, short, thick, thin,  rich, poor, WHATEVER. We all deserve to be treated with the same kindness and respect you would show to Abraham Lincoln. 

It's only fair. 

Who knows if this double standard will die in our lifetime, but I hope I see the day. There are great people in this country who are put down or who put others down regularly. Life is temporary. Being selfish isn't going to get you any closer to eternity than the rest of us. Mortality is our (and the rest of life on this entire earth's) reality.

Humanity must change before we all become cold, shiny, hard plastic. 

Perks of Traveling "Single"

I just visited Seattle without my husband for 5 days.

For some people, this may not seem like something noteworthy, but since the day we moved in together (my 18th birthday, 5+ years ago), we had never spent more than two sleeps apart at a time. (I was supposed to be away from him for 10 sleeps last summer, but my family exploded and I came home.) 

I was nervous at first; flying, public transportation, wandering about a new city, and experiencing all sorts of new things. All without Dylan, my best friend. Of course, I missed him while he was back home in Indianapolis, mainly because I like to share new experiences with him, but I gained something new with his absence. 

When I met a new person, hit a cool restaurant, or smelled some ganja in the air, I wanted to see the look of thrill on my husband's face. But as I went along doing these things, I felt less and less tethered to the low-key disappointment of him missing out on the adventure of such events. 

I took them in. Just for me.

As I went along, I felt more and more like a lone being. I haven't felt singular for such a long time, but I still felt comfortable. 

Honestly, I hardly thought about my husband, other than when I saw street art. For me, within my marriage, it has been difficult at times to consider that there is a world of my own out there, that doesn't contain Dylan. Of course, when I'm in class or working on my art or tutoring, I'm alone in my world. I know that our universes simply overlap, as they are not simply one and the same. 

Yes, of course, I adore traveling with my husband. We always have so much fun on our trips, but I came to value an experience (grand and happy) that will be private in most ways. I love having him by my side, creating memories together that will last forever. (Or until we slip into dementia...)  On my own, I took a city into my heart, learned it, and let it change me. I have my own memories to look back on; I know the vibe of Seattle, the smell, the kindness of its strangers, the quaint surprises that lie just another block down, all of which belong to just me. 

People always say, "I'm single because I want to be able to do whatever I want," which I HATE. As if you can't travel across the county on your own once you're married...

So here I am. I did a scary and exciting thing by traveling without my love. I gave myself a gift of exploration and self-discovery, simply within a different context. No, I didn't go to fall in love with a Seattleite, as a truly single gal may have, but I did fall in love with Seattle.