Merry Christmas From "That Married Girl!": A Holiday Movie Couple Countdown

Around the holidays, we typically spend a lot of extra time with those that we love, including our significant others. My Christmas gift to my little Marys (the nickname I have given to my loyal blog-readers) is a countdown of the best holiday movie couples and what we can all learn from them!

10. Judy and Phil, White Christmas

In this film, Phil and Judy start their coupledom by pretending to be engaged in order to get his duet partner and her sister together, but in the end, these two actually fell in love. What we can take from these lovebirds is that you never know when you will fall in love or with who. (Not to mention that Danny Kaye and Vera-Ellen were a match made in dancing heaven!) 

9. Jack and Gabby, Jack Frost

Jack and Gabby have a very interesting relationship as his spirit inhabits a snowman after Jack's death. These two show us that love can be very difficult and trying, but through insurmountable odds, it can triumph over anything. 

8. Buddy and Jovi, Elf

An obvious holiday movie favorite to just about every living being that has even a dash of a sense of humor, Elf has a wonderful message about love. Buddy begins a quest to meet his parents in New York City, but while he's there, he also finds love. Buddy and Jovi are fun, kind, and they both understand that love thrives when you're being yourself. 

7. Kate and Jack, The Family Man

Jack wakes up to a life that isn't his. Suddenly this single, wealthy man is married to his ex-girlfriend and they also have children together. At first, he hates what his life has become and tries desperately to reclaim his bachelorhood. After some time, he realizes that this life is exactly what he wants, but then he wakes up. Back in his single life, he sees that this family life and marriage are truly what matters the most. At the end of the film, he is on his way to rekindling the romance that initially slipped through his fingers. Here, we are taught that nothing is really worth anything at all without true love in your life. 

6. The Grinch and Cindy Lou Who, How the Grinch Stole Christmas

He's a mean one, Mr Grinch. 

Well, until the unwavering faith of a young girl helps him see that Christmas means much more than gifts. Cindy Lou Who's determination to not give up on The Grinch is something we can all aspire toward in our love life. Remember that we are all human and that even when things are rough, there are sun-filled days ahead. 

5. Linus and Sally, A Charlie Brown Christmas

Real love can begin at any age. Even though Linus' love for his dear blanket clouded him from accepting Sally's love, I believe that they ended up together. Tride and true devotion on Sally's part is what makes this couple so cute. Love is powerful and it will find a way.

4. Ralphie and the Red Rider BB gun, A Christmas Story

Ralphie certainly didn't shoot his eye out, but he did realize that you must be careful with what you love. This is important in relationships, too. You can yearn for something or someone, but if you mistreat it or them, there will be consequences for your actions. Love can be very fragile, but take care of it and you will never break your partner's glasses heart. 

3. Kate and Brad, Four Christmases

Playing a sexy round of "Stranger at a Bar." Going on a holiday getaway. These two are my kind of people! But, unfortunately, when Brad and Kate's flight is cancelled on Christmas, these two are stuck visiting their divorced parents, leading to four crazy Christmases in one day. These two give us insight into making it through the tough days. Laughter, honesty, and communication are key. Always remember that you are a team, and yes, you CAN make it through the holidays with your coo-coo, nuts, insane, straight-jacket-wearing family! 

2. Kevin and The Wet Bandits, Home Alone

Kevin and the two Wet Bandits may not exactly be a great idea of a "couple," but you know there is a lesson to learn here. Kevin, at 8 years old, defended his family home against to scummy robbers, with homemade weapons, no gun. This teaches us that you must fight for what you love, and who you love. You can't give up, you can't quit. Kevin prevailed. Love prevails. 

1. George and Mary, It' a Wonderful Life

"What is it you want, Mary? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That's a pretty good idea. I'll give you the moon, Mary." - George Bailey

At #1, we have my favorite Christmas couple. Black and white film, two striking actors, and a retro holiday set. What more could you ask for?  I could list at least a dozen quotes from this film that apply to things that everyone can aspire to in their love life. George and Mary are in love. They work through the hard times. They laugh. They encourage each other. They have passion for each other. They make it through the Great Depression while raising a big family. They never give up on love. These two sum up the entirety of the previous lessons on this list. Of course, times have changed and we have modern technology that distracts us, but this kind of love is certainly still possible. Love is more than a time period or an era, it is the catalyst for the most amazing, rewarding life that can exist. The holidays are made even more rich by being surrounded by love and being in love.

Gather those near and dear to you this Christmas and remember that you are loved and blessed, no matter how many gifts are under your tree, no matter how many cards you receive. Love is all around, soak it in, and celebrate.

God?

Over the past year or two, I've seen at least a few dozen posts about the same basic thing:

I got married at 18 to the BEST human being I have ever met. So, what exactly does this kind of thing mean?  The only individuals that I have seen make these types of posts are women. Are single women now bashing others who got married before them? Statements like "SINGLE AND WAITING FOR GOD'S BEST!" offend me. Does your religion have to be a public forum?

Now, I really have no idea where it is that I lay in regards to religion and the idea of a higher power, but that doesn't affect my position here. For me, my exploration in relation to God and religion is completely private, something I don't even discuss with my husband. When women share these types of posts, what they don't take into consideration is those people in their lives, who are important to them, that are married, engaged, or in a relationship. I take these types of posts to say, "HEY! Married person! You obviously didn't marry the BEST, because you didn't wait as long as me!" (Should those people ever even get married.) This comes across as a publicity stunt. 

I think these types of beliefs and posts are embarrassing. Owning the fact that you haven't met a mate, rather than saying that it is God's doing, is much more sensible. Would you want to show this to you parents? What if they got married young? Do you think that they didn't marry the best person for them? 

Now, I'm sure that there are single women in the world who see the way I do. Why is it that our culture so quickly says that God has a hand in our falling in love? Atheists fall in love. Wiccans fall in love. People who have never even had an opportunity to explore any sort of religion fall in love. If someone doesn't believe in God, or worship God in the same way someone who agrees with the "waiting for God's best" mindset, does that mean that they don't deserve to have the BEST significant other for them? 

Yes, on the U.S. dollar, "In God We Trust" is printed, but isn't that unfair to other people who don't share these ideals? Americans seem too often involved with Christianity to the point of single-mindedness. These sorts of ideas also do not take into consideration that you may date or marry someone of a different religion--or even NO religion. 

If you ask me, love is more scientific than religious. 

What I'm trying to say here is that in order to actually find love and be open to different people in your life, holding yourself accountable is more important than hoping and praying to find love. If someone is really wanting to get married, it's important to take steps toward that and make an effort. Just like anything great, with the help of God or not, there is work involved. 

If you are single and feel like you're just waiting around, re-evaluate what you think it is that you want in a partner. Look in the mirror and in your heart to see if you are actually available to be in a relationship. Do you fulfill your own life? Are you a good person or do you just wear the mask of a good person? Are your standards realistic? I ask these types of question because I've known a lot of people who have been really interested in someone they barely know, but completely brush off someone that has similar values and whatnot because they don't think that person is "good looking enough" for them.  

Love has no rules or real explanations, so why force so many complexities into the same category as love? Let it be and try to remember that YOU are responsible for your life. 

Getting Lost and Finding Yourself

On Tuesday of this week, I was feeling very uncertain. I have been quite busy during the final exam frenzy that accompanies every semester's end, and in that, I began to lose myself. I decided to take some time out of my day to be all alone and get lost in the world, lost in thought.

The Indianapolis Museum of Art has a large plot of land called 100 Acres, which has outdoor art installations riddled through the several paths that revolve around a small lake. All along one stretch of path are little, white signs that say and point to various things. Being the explorer that I am, I wandered into a mass of these signs, in order to take a photo when a young British man, probably not much older than I am, asked, "Are you trying to follow the signs somewhere?"

I answered no.

Later on, as I walked a bit more I thought, Yeah, I guess I am. In some ways I am looking at all of the events that have occurred in my life and all the people who have come, some have stayed and some have gone. Maybe these are the signs I'm hoping to lead me toward the "right" path

That man was the only person I encountered while I was in the woods, yet he asked me the most meaningful question I've been asked in years. Innocent as it was, it inspired me to dig deep into myself and find who I am. Sometimes you have to wander around and lose your entire sense of direction in order to find yourself. Allowing myself to get caught in the inertia of the trees that are forever unwavering, I was able to be undistracted and focus on me. 

As a woman in American society, I find it hard to escape the expectations that so many people, even strangers, have. I want to be a leader. I crave it. The likelihood that I will be able to surpass my fellow male peers, no matter how good I am at what I do, is minimal. I find that very troubling. If I know who I am, who I was born to be, and cannot fulfill that because I was born a female, what does that say about our society? What if I'm better than all the men? 

In some ways it is challenging to comprehend the leadership of women. How many female role models are there in American media that haven't been called fat, sexy, stupid, "masturbation material," whore, ugly, bitch, crazy, has her sexuality questioned, or has been said that she does her job well, "for a woman"?

Did you know that in film, only 16% of protagonists are female? The majority of these roles have to do with marriage, dating, pregnancy, or motherhood. I know many people may be asking, "What about the movies that focus on a woman who runs a company?" Let's take a look: In The Devil Wears Prada, the female boss is rude, condescending, judgmental, and upholds American beauty standards that trivializes women's role in society and in the workforce, then to top it all off, she is lonely and unhappy. That is just one example.

How did we, as the Americans who make up our society and culture, get to this point? Often times, we blame society for it's problems, but we ARE society. In films from the 1920's and 1930's, female characters could be a wife and mother, the femme fatal, the seductress, be witty and complex, all within the same character, so why is it that women are equivalent to a sexual object in 2014?

Somewhere along the way on this walk I took, I realized that the only human being I owe anything to is myself. I owe myself love, forgiveness, patience, and most of all, understanding. No one can completely control how the worlds treats them, but we certainly can control how we treat ourselves. Be nice to you. Eat healthy and exercise. Write and read and draw and laugh. 

To succeed in any and all aspects of your life, including relationships with lovers, friends, family, along with your education and work, you have to be who you are at all times. Pretending doesn't get anyone anything, except emptiness. To live a full, rich life, you cannot run away. You have to face fears and most of those fears lie within ourselves. 

What I mean to say is that I found myself in the woods. I believe that I have successes in store that I cannot even begin to imagine, yet I have no one's shoes to fill because women are next-to-never at the top of the ladder. My mind is much more powerful than my body. I urge all people, but especially women, to take the time to discover the deepest aspects of themselves and try to determine what kind of roles you are destined to fill. 

We only have one go at this thing. Spend some time all alone in the woods and get acquainted with yourself; You never want to lose you. 

The "Secret" to Getting Married

First and foremost, you must know that there is no actual secret.

You may get married when you're 18, 35, or 60.
You may never get married.

I'll admit, some people are more inclined to get married, maybe because of their charming personality, gorgeous features, a headstrong attitude, a heart so big that everyone who meets them falls in love, or maybe someone who wants a family. You get the drift. Relationships, and eventually marriage, can come very easily for some.

The thing that should be quite obvious, but is what I see women (and men) NOT doing, which could ultimately be the "secret"? You have to be going on dates or to events or parties in order to truly meet someone. Notice how I didn't mention online dating or bar-hopping?

With online dating, I have seen many of my friends make a profile (on OkCupid, eHarmony, PlentyOfFish, Match.com, or GOD FORBID Tinder) and then either: A. Use it for two days and quit. B. End up sexting. Bar-hopping may get you a phone number from a hot guy/girl, but at the end of that phone number typically hangs a one-night stand.

Here's what I have found in my own love-life. I went out on the first date with my husband while I was already dating someone else. Now, I'll have you know that I wasn't serious with the other guy, which he was okay with because he knew I didn't want to be in a relationship at that time due to having ended a nearly-year-long relationship just 6 weeks before. I didn't want to get into a relationship with anyone at all. The point here is that I wasn't looking.

I know that many people have known couples that have had trouble conceiving, right? And often times, those couples quit 'trying' and then get pregnant. It happens.

I believe that love and a worth-while relationship can be the same way. Once you let you guard down, you will likely seem more approachable and attractive to others. This issue with a good amount (not necessarily all) singles, particularly women, is that there is a fine line between looking for a partner and being desperate to find one. You can't ask someone if they're going to be your boyfriend simply because you kissed them one time. That's insane.

You can't be afraid to try a new experience or go somewhere that you don't know very many people. Love, dating, and sex aren't things to be afraid of and you don't have to be afraid of not getting married in your twenties. It's okay. There's no expiration date on love.

We all have a certain idea of the KIND of person we are looking for, but if you literally have a list that goes on and on with specifics, don't expect to find any one person who will meet every requirement. The thing with the whole "list" state-of-mind is that what you think you are looking for may not actually be the type of person that you are compatible with. If you keep looking for someone who hits the criteria and you have the wrong criteria for you, as a human being, you may just be repeating the same situation, date, relationship over and over again. This isn't to say that you have no choice in the type of partner that you may marry, but if you let expectations (which could very well be quite unrealistic) block the innate chemistry you may have with someone just because they aren't Ryan Gosling- or Mila Kunis-esque, you could miss out on someone who is perfect for you.

As in all aspects of my life, I believe in fate. If you are intended to meet someone tomorrow and fall in love, so be it. If you're destined to fall in love 30 years from now, just be patient. And if you don't want to ever get married at all, that's fine, too.

The secret? Don't live a life full of fear and just be yourself.