Where is the Love?

If you don't know this by now, I live in Indiana. This past week has been filled with broken hearts and anger toward our state legislators. There has been a bill passed that will be signed today by the governor, giving business owners the right to discriminate and refuse service to members of our communities in the name of "religious freedom."

If we are to love those around us, shouldn't we treat them the way we'd want to be treated? Certainly, these lawmakers wouldn't want to be denied service for being white or male or Christian or wealthy, so why would they allow homosexuals to be denied service at a place of business? 

Where is the love for Hoosiers? ALL HOOSIERS?

In our nation's history, legal discrimination became an epidemic in the 1870's, well over 100 years ago. Even this disgusts me, as an individual should not be mistreated, inhumanly degraded in the name of the law OR in the name of the Lord. It is absurd to consider denying goods and/or services a member of the community, a law-abiding citizen, a neighbor, an individual who would not turn someone away from their business for his/her beliefs or personal life because of their sexual orientation. 

When religious people share their beliefs, many people listen even if they disagree. In my experience, it seems that the people who do the most hateful things are those who hide behind their religion to do so. 

Now, I'm no church-goer. I choose to live my life in the context of a personal relationship to my spirituality and I will never condemn another for choosing a religious lifestyle, but...

I also believe that the being(s) that decide our fate in the afterlife are built on LOVE.

To use a Bible, a sect of Christianity, a church to spread now-lawful hatred of those around you... well, that's just not very "Christian," is it? My sister, Stephanie always says, "The Bible says 'love your neighbor as yourself,' 'all sins are equal,' and 'do not judge, for you will be judged.'" 

It doesn't sit well with me that Indiana legislators are allowing Christianity to oppress a specific group of people. (And I DO say CHRISTIANITY because I am unaware of any non-Christian legislators.) I also know no business owners of a non-Christian faith that would deny goods/service to anyone for any reason. Many of my conservative, Christian friends will say that this bill is a basic right and a protection of their religion, but how can someone deny service to someone who simply sins differently than them? We all lie, we all sin. Using the law to defend bigotry is wrong and EVIL. Next, Indiana will allow individuals to commit hate-crimes in the name of their God. This bill is a slippery slope that also perpetuates stereotyping in our already close-minded state. You cannot tell if someone is a homosexual just be how they look or how they talk or how they dress. This bill allows individuals to make a snap judgement with the law to support them. 

Yes, we are one nation, but 'under God' is overrated when religion is used as a tool to fuel a fire of discrimination and oppression. There are laws to protect some individuals, but in this time, in the face of a new civil rights movement, we MUST protect and support members of our LGBTQ community. 

As American citizens we also have this wonderful right given to us, the power to vote. If you do not vote, you DO NOT MATTER. Your voice will continue to be silenced if you do not raise it yourself. YOUNG PEOPLE: VOTE, DAMN IT! Let's email, call, and protest. Let's be a radical generation in the name of what we stand for: love. 

If we fill this state and this nation and this world with love, kindness, compassion, understanding, tolerance, and respect, these issues won't be issues. Radiating love is a lot more powerful than harnessing hatred. 

Where

is

the

love?

What Growing Up in the 90's Taught Me

Having been born in 1992, I didn't exactly get the full and complete 90's experience, but some of my best memories come from that time in my life. I was just a kid, I felt free from the expectations that the world later thrusted upon me. What I remember most about that decade, other than the fashion trends...?

I remember the music.

The first song that I can remember hearing was Waterfalls by TLC. I loved it, and thus my interested in music began. I look back and I can still see myself sitting in the backseat as my mom drove, listening to the radio. 

So many powerful, fond memories of that music, especially in the late 90's: Destiny's Child, TLC, Alanis Morissette, Spice Girls, Melissa Etheridge, Shania Twain... Notice that these are all women. 

I was discussing this with my friend Shelby today and I said that with the music that was popular during our childhood, how could a 90's kid grow up without being a feminist in adulthood. 

Let me re-iterate:

Feminist (noun) - a person who believes in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes. 

No man-hating here, obviously. This married girl even prefers the company of men in many situations, but as I've gotten older, I've seen more and more men my age becoming less feminist. Why do people still use these words: bitch, slut, whore, pussy, skank, 'stitute, hoe, etc.? All of these terms degrade women in some way or another, especially when used by a woman.

During my time listening to music in/from the 90's, which I still do to this very day, I was born into feminism. Why? The messages that were sent streaming across airwaves were powerful and showed a true respect and understanding for the women in the world. 

The standard of beauty for women: 

"Never insecure until I met you... I used to be so cute to me, just a little bit skinny. Why do I look to all these things to keep you happy? Maybe get rid of you and then, I'll get back to me..." -"Unpretty," TLC 

The expectation that a woman is "lucky" to have a man, any man:

I don't want your number (no), I don't want to give you mine and (no),  I don't want to meet you nowhere (no), I don't want none of your time and (no)." -"No Scrubs," TLC

The double-standard for cheating:

"Any other day, I would call, you would say, 'Baby, how's your day?' But today, it ain't the same, every other word is 'Uh huh,' 'Yeah, okay.' Could it be that you are at the crib with another lady? If you took it there, first of all let me say: I am not the one to sit around and be played."  -"Say My Name," Destiny's Child

"Is she perverted like me? I bet she'd make a really excellent mother... And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back, I hope you feel it... I'm here to remind you of the mess you left when you ran away. It's not fair to deny me of the cross I bear that you gave to me."  -"You Oughta Know," Alanis Morissette 

Being a woman can be a lot of fun:

"No inhibitions, make no conditions, get a little outta line.  I ain't gonna act politically correct, I only want to have a good time."  -"Man! I Feel Like A Woman," Shania Twain

The complexities of being a woman in a man's world (unfortunately):

So take me as I am. This may mean you'll have to be a stronger man. Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous and I'm going to extremes, tomorrow I will change and today won't mean a thing. I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint--I do not feel ashamed--I'm your hell, I'm your dream, I'm nothing in between... I'm a tease, I'm a goddess on my knees. When you hurt, when you suffer, I'm your angel undercover. I've been numb, I'm revived, can't say I'm not alive. You know I wouldn't want it any other way"  -"Bitch," Meredith Brooks

Now, it's not just my mother that I have to thank for making sure important feminist-messages were getting to me from a very young age, but the women who expressed them. I've wondered if I was born in the right time period, as we all do, but recently, I have discovered that I definitely was. I can be a key aspect of a revolution.

At the end of the day, we're all human, we're all equal, and I have the 90's to thank for that message. 

8 Reasons Why Married Sex is the Best Sex

Our culture loves sex. Sex in in the media, advertisements, music, art, politics, literature, television, and movies. Most Americans think about the idea or the act of sex at least every day. Let's face it, I think about sex, in one way or another, about every three minutes, simply because it is fascinating. 

Now, before we start this countdown, let me say that this list isn't just about married sex, but about having a committed sex partner for an extensive period of time. It doesn't magically become the best sex of your life because you have a legal document that has been signed. This also means that I don't see premarital sex as immoral in any way. 

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1. You get to know yourself.

It's awfully hard to get to know your sexual needs and desires when you're not having very much sex. When you have a long-term partner, it is easy to figure yourself out because you get so many trial-runs. Figuring out who you are as a sexual being is key to satisfaction. 

2. You get to know your partner. 

This can never be a bad thing. Being able to satisfy your partner is really an ego-boost. They know that you care about what they enjoy and what they desire, but you also pick up some pretty cool go-to techniques over time. 

3. Communication. 

Adequate communication in the bedroom leads to adequate communication in other aspects of your relationships. You find a way to express your needs and wants in a manner that allows discussion. Just as it is with sex, you can't demand your partner to do exactly what you want, when you want it. You can make a request, figure out the ground rules, etc. Being able to communicate well is really where the foundation of successful relationships lies. If you two aren't on the same page, either in life or in between the sheets, you'll soon find that neither one of you will be satisfied. 

4. No awkward the-morning-after situations. 

When you're committed, the worst thing about the morning after is that you have morning-breath. And the best part? Morning sex. You don't have to worry about finding your clothes or sneaking out of his/her place or leaving your phone number on their nightstand or a meaningless "this is my last night in town/the state/the country" hook-up. There's no awkwardness and sometimes, if you're lucky, your significant other will make you breakfast. #perks

5. They'll call you back. 

Well, shit. Who really wants the person they exchanged bodily fluids with to talk to them again? ...oh, yeah, NORMAL PEOPLE. Relationships aren't, or shouldn't be, about the chase. It's not a game when your mind, heart, and body are a major factor to be considered by your partner. A lot of us have had a one-night-stand, which can be a good 'ol time, especially if you know the person in another context (meaning a pre-existing human relationship that won't be ruined by having sex), but having an empty encounter with someone you never knew before and never will know is kind of degrading. Lowering your self-worth to get down and dirty just isn't going to make your sex life better. 

6. Practice makes perfect. 

I've said this to countless fraternity guys and I'll say it again: As a married girl, I have more sex than you. (You = single person.) I have sex whenever I want, which most uncommitted individuals can't say. Being in a relationship means that you can go and go and go until you can't go anymore. For the other upsides of being able to have a ton of sex, see numbers 1-3, 7, and 8. ;) Eventually, even if you are/were terrible in bed to begin with (it's a-ok and pretty normal), you will get better, just like you (hopefully) got better at driving a car. Better sex leads to compliments on performance and that leads to more self-confidence. Win-win.  

7. You can explore. 

You wanna do it in the car? A public place? A blanket under the stars? A tent on the beach? You name it, you probably can or will have sex there. Not to mention all the ways... "Let me count the ways!" You get the point, kids. Trust is vital to sexual exploration, which is why experimentation is the very best in long-term romances. 

8. It keeps getting better. 

The thrill is in the how, not the who. I can honestly say that the guy I get to have sex with is my best friend and I am more in love with that fella everyday. This makes our bond tighter: as teammates, as lovers, as friends, as encouragers, as spouses. We grow and progress every time we come together to physically express our love. 

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If you're single, have fun in your sex life (if you're having any) and if you're in a realtionship, let your DAMNGOODSEX lead you down the trail of complete and utter bliss. Don't use sex as a weapon, let sex allow you to ignore what you need to work on inside of yourself, or have sex because someone tells you/make you feel like you have to. Do have safe sex, especially if you don't have a monogamous partner. Sex is natural and invigorating, so enjoy the time you have on this little planet and get yours.