The Catcall

If you are a woman in the United States, it is very likely that you have been catcalled. In the media recently, there has been a lot of discussion of these actions that men, albeit not ALL men, take part in. Ironically enough, the catcaller seem to think that women should enjoy a compliment or suggestive comment, but let's just take a look at the definition:

Catcall (noun) - a shrill, whistle-like should to loud raucous shout make to express disapproval.

I wasn't aware that catcalling is literally a negative behavior before I did a little research. Many women feel objectified when being catcalled. I agree.

Personally, I have had several strange men catcall me. On the street, on my college campus, in traffic, and... Target. Seriously, Target. Getting catcalled in the middle of a crowded Target was mortifying. A very loud, direct, "DAMN BABY, CAN I HAVE A RIDE?" sparked this post. I didn't reply to the man who said that to me, but I wish I would have.

As I mentioned before, women have been realizing the problem with catcalling. In this video, a young woman, dressed in everyday attire gets catcalled time after time in a 10-hour experiment, walking about New York City, where she resides. Some viewers have said, "Well, telling someone to smile isn't harassment," "Calling a beautiful woman beautiful isn't a catcall," "She doesn't have to be so rude," and other similar comments. Why do these comments make me upset?

When a man walks down the street, does he get catcalled?

If a woman isn't interested in some stranger, does it seem appropriate for a man to make sexual comments in her direction? No. Is a sexually explicit comment made by a stranger threatening to an American woman? Yes.

Why? 1 in 4 college women are sexually assaulted.

That time I got screamed at in the middle of Target, I was in the store alone, just checking to see if there was a product in-stock. My husband was in the car and I told him what had *just* happened. He asked me if I responded. I told him no.

I'm ashamed of that.

Dylan said, "If there was any public comment ever made to you that deserved your reaction or commentary, it was that one." So, what would I have said to that man?

"Even if I was single and interested, I would never give you the attention you're looking for because your level of disrespect toward ALL women by saying that to me shows that you're nothing but product of the American patriarchy." 

Women need to defend themselves from this objectification. It is disgusting and degrading. If we begin to teach men not to do this, correct them if/when they do, we have the ability to change the future for women. This doesn't necessarily mean that the pigs of the country won't stop doing it, but as a society, we must transform the way that those men see us. Women are a minority and this ongoing catcalling proves that. If you get catcalled, remember: it isn't a compliment, it is an insult. Take it as such, be strong, stand your ground, and put that man in his place.

We aren't bitches. We aren't dogs.
We are women. We are human beings.

Opposites Attract: Marriage and Feminism

Over the course of history, marriage has had all different connotations. Yes, it means the legal and spiritual (or religious) union of two people, but for centuries before we were born and even before our grandparents were born, marriage strongly was associated with ownership.

Women would be auctioned off, in some cases. Before a man could marry another man's daughter, he would often have to agree to an exchange of goods. Three chickens, a cow, gold, or other items would be traded for the daughter's hand in marriage. Women were seen as property, a commodity. These new wives would often have children very soon; if the child was a boy, he would be raised to help in whatever business the husband was in, if the child was a girl, she would later be traded for something of value, as her mother was.

Seems vile, right? As if these women weren't people at all, but just another form of currency.

Obviously, the situation of marriage has changed over the years. but in some cases, women are still viewed as property or "baby-makers" who cook and clean. So why do I see the history of marriage to be an opposite of feminism?

Feminism (noun) - the belief of social, economic, and political equality of the sexes.

If women weren't viewed as people, they clearly were not viewed as equal to men. This small idea alone is why it blows my mind that all people, but especially women, do not identify as feminists. Even pop singer, Katy Perry doesn't call herself a feminist:

"I am not a feminist, but I do believe in the strength of women."

Now why is this a problem? To not be a feminist (or a believer of sexual equality) is to say that you could very possibly believe: that it is okay for a man to own a woman through marriage, that it is okay for a man to beat a woman because she is his property, that it is okay for women to be raped, that it is okay for women to only be valued to bare children or prostitute herself for the sexual pleasure of men, that it is okay to force a woman to carry and give birth to a child against her choice, that it is okay for women do be denied specialized healthcare (gynecological exams, mammograms, psychological treatment, etc.,) that is it okay for women to be denied higher education and a subsequent career, that it is okay for women to be denied the right to vote, own property, and have her own bank account, that it is okay for women to believe that this is all okay.

...see the problem?

Luckily, there are male feminists. *GASP* Somewhere along the line, a man stood up and said, "Ho-ly shit! This just isn't right. My wife is person, with a mind and a life of her own!" This post began as a look into the lack of feminism in marriage throughout history, but it has turned into a look into a world without feminism.

Marriage is founded on mutual love, but these unions are nothing without mutual respect, too. Feminism is applicable to all aspects of daily life, which should certainly make each and every human being an advocate for feminism and equality.

To the Left, To the Left...

When we get our hearts broken, it often seems that the first thing that friends, family, co-workers, etc. will say is, "Ah, well there are plenty of fish in the sea!" Even Beyoncé says that no one should ever think that they're irreplaceable.

I agree and disagree.

Sure, it's an option for most people to pick their head up and move on to their next love interest. I advise my friends all the time to stay out there in the game, as you can never plan when and how you will meet the person that you may have a long-term partnership with. It's important not to be afraid of going outside your comfort zone.

Certainly, a relationship can end and both people are quickly interested in someone new. It happens, and as those memories and feelings once shared with a partner fade into the past, they can be replaced. If you meet someone and develop strong feelings for them, you'll likely not feel the same love you had for an ex, as they could possibly be stronger feelings. For me, I see that if a couple breaks up, there is a reason behind it, one way or another even if it wasn't an amicable split.  In all of my experiences with love, lust, crushes, and everything in between, each sort of "thing" differs from one to the next, which also brings me to the other side of my argument.

Now, if your relationships are much different from each other and unworthy for comparison, (DISCLAIMER: It is not healthy to compare your relationships, romantic or otherwise) then the likelihood that any or all of them could be truly replaced is next to impossible.

"What about soulmates?" you ask.

In my opinion, I believe that, yes, my husband is my soulmate. But so are my best friends, and so was a fella I knew before my husband. The way I see it, a soulmate is an individual that you connect with on a spiritual level. For example, my friend Kandice is absolutely a soulmate of mine. We grew up in the same medium-sized Indiana town for a good chunk of our childhoods. We lived less than 5 miles apart and she went to a nearby high school which is a rival for my tiny school. Kandice and I have figured out that our paths could have crossed in about 20 different ways, but they way we met was actually because my husband's friend (Tom) is married to one of Kandice's best friends (Lori), a group of extraordinary young women that I am grateful for every day of my life, which also validates to our group that Dylan and I, Tom and Lori, and all these friends were destined to be in each other's lives.

Yes, I have more than one soulmate and you probably do as well. People can be replaced, in many cases. If you had a shitty friend or significant other, but now have great friends or a loving significant other, that person was replaced, no doubt.

If for some reason my husband and I were to get divorced, (which doesn't seem possible, but you never know) there is a definite chance that either one or both of us would have other relationships and possibly another marriage afterward. I don't believe that Dylan would ever be able to be replaced in my heart, no matter what would happen. No matter if I had a different partner. He has helped me learn about myself and grow into the woman I have become, which will absolutely never be done in the same way by another person.

People come and go in life and the best advice I can give is that you have to learn to let go of what is gone and embrace what is coming you way to be fully, truly happy.

What My Best-Friendship Taught Me About True Love

I'm not the type to brag about what makes my life special, but there is one person especially whom I'll never stop boasting about. Her name is Jessica and she has been my best friend for 14 years, more than half of our lives. She is honest, loyal, kind, thoughtful, inspiring, understanding, careful, warm, loving, and most of all, she gets me.

I look at my life with my husband and I have tried to figure out where my love-wisdom has come from. I'm only 22 and I've been told by so many that I have an insight that is beyond my years. The answer I have found is that my best-friendship has lead me right into an extremely fulfilling and well-functioning relationship. 

Jessica taught me how to be myself and that it's totally fine to disagree on things. We've only had about three fight in the history of our friendship, but I think that comes from the fact that we respect and love each other so much. I'm the diva, bossy-pants and she's the goofy, modest one. I'm loud and she's quiet, but I find that our opposites are what keep us balanced. I know if she didn't also hold this spectacular amount of wisdom, I wouldn't have gotten through some of my darkest moments. She's always been a person that I can rely on. 

I also see my husband, Dylan, as my best friend. Now, Jessica has her own little untouchable tier within my hierarchy of friendships, but Dylan rings in as a close second, whose place is also unwavering. 

My friendship with Jessica has taught me that there are some people in this world to which your soul can be forever attached to. I trust her with my life and all my secrets. The times that she has stood by my side has proven that the people who belong in your life are always there for you. Jessica has taken my side when I've been wrong, she's told me that I look beautiful when I'm sick, she's been my supporter when I had no one in my corner. There has been 14 years of give and take, which wasn't always easy, especially when we were younger. Through it all, Jessica has taught me how to love someone wholeheartedly.

Through 14 years, we've discussed, laughed, challenged each other, danced, prayed, cried, and drove countless miles just to see each other. I've dropped what I was doing to rush to meet with her. She's forgiven me when I've made mistakes. I've held her hand and yelled at people in her defense. We are a team and there is nothing that would ever break the bond that we share. Jessica is my best friend and my sister.

All of what I've shared here hold true to my relationship with Dylan, as well, but she paved the way for me to have this amazing, successful partnership with my husband. To be able to share my life with these two people means more than words can even express.

I want the best for my best friend and my husband. I can't wait to see where the world takes us and to see how my relationship grows with each of them. I couldn't imagine my life without Jessica or Dylan, and I believe that to have a successful marriage, it is key to have a great friendship, as well.

All of my close friends have taught me how to be better when it comes to my relationship with my husband, too. Every challenge, every laugh, every miscommunication, every time one of my friends or I have done something completely selfless for the other, those are the moments that I realize that I've known true love for as long as I can remember.

She's the Serena to my Blair, the Carrie to my Samantha, the Otis to my Milo, the Karlie to my Taylor, the pop of color to my grayscale, the Country croon to my Rock 'n Roll riff, the answer to all of my questions. We're thick as thieves and I wouldn't have it any other way.

True love is commitment, honesty, respect, and loyalty in each and every situation. My best friend is the person who taught me that over the years. I owe it all to you, Jess.

2015: The Year of the Revamp

Each year people everywhere make resolutions for the New Year, which they strive to keep -- and rarely do. I admire that we aim to better ourselves, but I am disappointed in the true lack of commitment toward starting a new habit. This year, instead of "starting" to hit the gym and get on a strict diet, spend more time with friends and family, save money and plan a vacation, why don't we just do this:

revamp.

In case you don't know the exact definition of this word, revamp means to reconstruct or, revise, or restore. The best way to really make a difference in your life is to make changes by not only adding, but cutting out certain habits.

With every relationship, even the one you have with yourself, there is going to be give and take in order to grow. Since so many people seem to use New Year's Day as the starting point for making a change, I say make a list today. Write a list of all the things and people that bring you pure joy and a separate list of what brings you stress or negative thoughts, actions, or emotions. Circle one item on each list that affects your life the most. Add more of the positive and cut out the negative. Even if the negative thing is a person, this means that you cannot continue to have them in your life.

I've been looking at my own life today and I mentally made this list of my own. I quickly realized that I often worry about what other people will say. While this isn't a concern that came about out of nowhere (I've had personal experience with a frenemy), I need to feel free to live my life however I wish, without the fear of judgement from others. I have chosen to surround myself with honest, caring, loving friends and am constantly reminded that with them, I have a judgement-free zone.

To move forward, into the future of 2015 and all the wonderful things that await us, we certainly must focus on our own happiness. I have began to really love the life I have, but I still have some work to do, as does everyone. I will be myself, fearlessly. Those who love me will continue to love me. Do you know who you want to be?

So if you are relaxed by walking your dog, go on longer walks. If you hate washing the dishes, buy a dishwasher. If you always feel tired, sleep more or see a doctor. If you want to fall in love, open your heart and let your guard down. If you have noticed that your sex life isn't what you want it to be, well, shake it up by trying something that is different and fun. If you can't seem to cut a bad habit, stop cold turkey. If you're bored, go on an adventure around the city or meet new people. If you're lacking self-confidence, try a new hair style/cut/color or a new make-up look. If you are angry at someone, forgive them and move on with a smile on your face. If you don't make enough money, try getting a new job or further your education. If you feel stuck in a general rut, re-do your home decor or begin a renovation project.

DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT TO DO.

Whatever it is that is going to make you a happy, healthy, eco-friendly, community-building human being, do what you need to accomplish that.

2015: the year of possibilities, positivity, healthy behaviors; the year of YOU.