How I Feel About My Face

Almost everyone who knows me knows that I wear makeup every day. I really do love makeup, which is the main reason why I wear it. Many people have commented on my wide variety of lipstick shades (red, maroon, fuchsia, light pink, purple, etc.) and often remark on how confident I must be. The truth is, I wear lipstick, specifically, because it makes me feel more confident. I feel like my external self matches my internal self when I have a bold color on my lips.

I have received at least a hundred compliments from women (and men) of all ages, but I absolutely do not wear makeup for compliments or attention. 

First and foremost, I am a feminist. I base my entire life and belief system around this value. I believe that women are NEVER required to wear makeup and I encourage others to embrace their made-up AND naked-faced self. Even though I put makeup on every day that I leave my apartment, and even some days when I stay at home, I envy those women who are confident enough to feel free in their natural skin. I also am envious of men and the fact that our society often tells men that they're perfect enough just they way they are, but women, on the other hand, are not. It seems that everywhere you look, tv, movies, and magazines (even a damn Sears catalogue) features women with makeup on. It seems that there are very few women taking a stand against the expectation that American culture places on women to look perfect.

Shailene Woodley, who is known for her role on The Secret Life of the American Teenager, was chosen for the part of Hazel in the movie adaptation for John Green's stellar novel, The Fault in Our Stars. Woodley chose not to wear makeup for the film because she wanted to stay true to Hazel's character, who she believed wouldn't wear makeup. Award-winning musician, Colbie Caillat recently took a personal stance on natural beauty and photoshopping in her music video for her single, Try. (Both pictured below, makeup-less.)

My husband Dylan told me, "Although you're beautiful with your makeup on, I still think you're prettiest without it. That's because with makeup on it, feels like you're hiding something. At the very least you're hiding the little imperfections that are fundamentally you. And without it on, I feel that much closer to you." 

Now, I can give any kind of makeup tip you can come up with and I can suggest any kind of product that you may be looking for, but I cannot give you self-confidence. Hell, I've barely figured out how to have any level of self-confidence for myself at all. Dylan is right, I do use makeup as a tool to hide something about myself, to hide my insecurities. But I firmly believe that there is no shame in wearing makeup or not wearing makeup. Every human being on the planet is beautiful, no matter what they put on their face, because human beings, and the entire human experience is beautiful. 

The way I look at it, life should follow the simple guidelines of Cat Stevens' If You Want to Sing Out, Sing Out, because every lyric used in that song inspires people to do exactly what they want to do. "There's a million ways to be, you know that there are."

10 Signs You've Found "The One"

In my life recently, I have noticed quite a few of my peers have been through a breakup or divorce. I think a lot of this comes from the fact that many people aren't sure when they've met the right person. Day after day, I see my friends date people that just simply aren't for them. My girl friends often say they want to have a relationship that will turn into a marriage, but then they date/hang out with/talk to guys they have no interest in marrying. Why do people continue to date someone they see no future with?

I believe that the answer to this question is that no one ever seems to be sure if they're with the right person. I also believe that there is some form of a soulmate for everyone, and even if you don't find that person, you can still have a very happy and successful relationship. So, I've compiled a list that I believe will help my fellow relationship-enthusiasts decide if they're married to Mr./Mrs. Right or if they should keep looking for The One.

1. You are able to spend time apart to pursue outside friendships and goals, and you're happy to do so. You don’t feel the compelling need to be sustained by one another all the time, but you easily find happiness when you're together.

2. Despite the cliché, you are the most fulfilled by seeing them happy. You want to do whatever you can to help them achieve that, whether it’s sending them a funny picture or hearing them talk through something that’s on their mind at 2 a.m.

3. They have the same fundamental values as you. If you share similar ideals about politics, spirituality, and general life principles, it is more likely that you will be able to build a successful life together. When your relationship progresses to the point where you're considering having children, these values will really come into play, as you'll have to make joint decisions on the raising of your child/children, if you choose to start a family. More diminutive opinions will differ, but soulmates generally have the same virtues and values and see the world through a similar lens.

4. You've been totally comfortable around each other since day one. Soulmates connect with ease right off the bat and let their true colors show without fear of judgment. Many people say it's easier to relax around that person and allow themselves to be vulnerable. The One will open up to you and let you in, so you can see them, wholly.

5. You accept your friends’ and loved ones’ opinions about them and the relationship as great feedback and important advice, but at the end of the day, you realize that the only person who can really decide is you, and that there are many successful couples (throughout history, literature, practice) that are together despite others’ disapproval.

6. You take it slow. You know there’s no rush to the finish line. What’s more: happily ever after won’t start after a certain point. You’re living in the now, and you don’t need to take the next step forward unless you know you’re ready.

7. The concept of growing with them, which once might have seemed so abstract, doesn’t seem so strange, or even all that difficult. You know that you'll grow at your own pace and develop into new people as time goes on, but you’ll do so with the knowledge that they will, as well, and each new person complements the other.

8. You know that any relationship isn't all rainbows and butterflies. He or she challenges you like no one else can. The soulmate relationship, despite what people might assume, isn't always smooth sailing. It isn't always wrapped in the perfect package, physically or in terms of life circumstances but that doesn't mean that the relationship will come without challenge. The difference is that the life circumstances and the difficult challenges are a strengthening power that becomes the glue that keeps you together through the difficult times and helps each of you become your most authentic self.

What's more, we rely on our partner to help us evolve as people. You might find any relationship to be rocky, and that your partner is someone who pushes your buttons and aggravates you at first because they bring with them some of the more difficult lessons for the soul.

9. The physical chemistry you two have is palpable. Sexual chemistry is important, because your sex life, even though only a part of your love life, is important.

10. Ultimately, I believe there is just a sense of “knowing” that doesn’t require a reason. It will feel like you’ve known it all along, or that you can’t remember a point at which you didn’t really know, deep down, that they’re it for you. There really is no guessing or wondering when the real thing comes along and you've found your true love.

If you're out there, looking for love, and are maybe unsure of what you're looking for, I hope this helps you in some way. 

I love love. 

What They Didn't Tell Me About Marriage

This post could be all about the hard stuff: the fights, the money struggles, the stress, and so on, but on a much lighter note, I'd like to share the day-to-day stuff no one ever told me about being married. 

1. You're gonna smell a lot of farts. His farts. His fucking "I-Want-Taco-Bell"-And-It's-Two-O'clock-In-The-Morning-So-You're-Going-To-Wake-Up-To-The-Smell-Of-My-Farts farts. 

2. The bathroom is seriously never going to be as clean as you want it to be. 

3. Depending on how much you have in common, there will almost always be a battle over the music being played in the car. 

4. He might accidentally punch you in the stomach in the middle of the night.

5. He might accidentally head-butt you in the middle of the night and nearly break your nose.

6. You may get out of doing dishes for the rest of forever. (I hate it, he loves it. Win, win.)

7. Eventually, he's gonna tell you that your ass DOES look big in that _______. 

8. You'll to have to accept that he's going to see you on your bad hair days, bad face days, bad diet days, bad attitude days, bad outfit days, and "bad, bad, bad" days.

9. He's going to call you crazy. Because you're being crazy. 

10. Breaking free of the oafish-husband stereotype, sometimes he'll actually remember stuff that you don't. 

11. Over time, he's probably going train you to eat quickly.

12. Somewhere along the magical, beautiful, whimsical life you'll build together, you may start referring to him as "dude" or "bro." 

Last, but not least:

13. At work, he's going to open that sexy snap you sent him 5 days ago and rush home to see you, only to find out that you're pissed because he didn't buy you tampons, like he said he would.

Marriage is a beautiful, beautiful thing. 

Catch Him If You Can

I've recently noticed that a lot of my single friends all seem to ask me the same question, "What am I doing wrong?" I will admit that I'm not exactly a relationship guru that can solve all your problems, but I have a few ideas to help my fellow women.

It seems that with dating these days, there is often a game called Who Can Act Like They Care The Least. If you're really trying to be open to starting a relationship, you absolutely have to be open to the other person about your feelings. Now that does NOT mean expressing that you're falling in love on the second date. If you're quick to fall, just remind yourself that you do need to get to know them well before you can share those feelings. I think that a lot of men hold off sharing or expressing their feelings because our society tells men to be strong and unemotional. (HINT: Guys who are reading this, there is seriously nothing more endearing, sweet, or sexy than a man who can articulate his emotions whether you're angry, sad, stressed, happy, or even in love.)

A lot of young adults have stopped going on one-on-one dates at a restaurant or coffee shop and replaced them with a drink at the bar or a 2AM "cuddle session." We ALL know what cuddling means. If you're looking for a relationship, one night stands aren't going to start one. I completely understand the need or desire for a hookup here and there, but if your heart is seeking a long-term relationship, you gotta cut it out. Ask a man to take you on a date. Don't be afraid to have balls. I find it very true for men to be attracted to and turned on by a woman who knows what she wants, even if it's a date. If the guy is right, he won't turn you down.

When you do meet a nice guy who will take you out and tell you you're beautiful, smart, funny instead of HOT or SEXY (which the right guy will use these terms, but they probably won't be his go-to compliment), please do not obsess over him. If he forgets to call or text you, just remember that he may be busy or with his friends/family. Give these guys a little slack, they're human after all! (Truth be told, when we were in the early stages of dating, I called my now-husband on my birthday, which I had told him that week when it was, and he told me he couldn't talk because he had friends coming over. He even forgot to tell me happy birthday. It happens to everyone, trust me.) There is definitely a balance between being involved in someone else's life and being involved in your own life. When there isn't space for individuality and independence on both ends, either person or even both people can feel trapped.

When you're talking to a guy, there is a fine line between being interested and being desperate. Men tend to stay away from women who are desperate for attention, since those women come off as unconfident. As I said before, men love confidence, because that shows that she knows who she is and what she wants. But the attempts to be in someone's life only turns into desperation when you go after something repeatedly with the same approach, expecting different results or when you go after something and expect to get it immediately or without any opposition, where you and the entire relationship just falls to pieces. This also goes for not getting what you want, like reciprocated feelings, but continue to pursue what you already know you can't have. 

Always remember that he shouldn't have to knock down your walls to get to your heart. Just because guys don't show it doesn't mean they aren't sensitive. They need affirmation that you trust them (when you get to that point) and that you care about them. To let love into your life, you have to let your guard down. You may get hurt, true, but I find that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. In truth, it is very difficult for another person to fight their way into your life and heart. Not being able to lay the book of your life open for a special someone to read may be a serious sign that you just aren't ready for a relationship. Before trying to pursue a relationship, I say really dig deep and ask yourself if you can let another person know everything about you.

Remember ladies, your love life shouldn't look like a scene from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. ;)