I've recently noticed that a lot of my single friends all seem to ask me the same question, "What am I doing wrong?" I will admit that I'm not exactly a relationship guru that can solve all your problems, but I have a few ideas to help my fellow women.
It seems that with dating these days, there is often a game called Who Can Act Like They Care The Least. If you're really trying to be open to starting a relationship, you absolutely have to be open to the other person about your feelings. Now that does NOT mean expressing that you're falling in love on the second date. If you're quick to fall, just remind yourself that you do need to get to know them well before you can share those feelings. I think that a lot of men hold off sharing or expressing their feelings because our society tells men to be strong and unemotional. (HINT: Guys who are reading this, there is seriously nothing more endearing, sweet, or sexy than a man who can articulate his emotions whether you're angry, sad, stressed, happy, or even in love.)
A lot of young adults have stopped going on one-on-one dates at a restaurant or coffee shop and replaced them with a drink at the bar or a 2AM "cuddle session." We ALL know what cuddling means. If you're looking for a relationship, one night stands aren't going to start one. I completely understand the need or desire for a hookup here and there, but if your heart is seeking a long-term relationship, you gotta cut it out. Ask a man to take you on a date. Don't be afraid to have balls. I find it very true for men to be attracted to and turned on by a woman who knows what she wants, even if it's a date. If the guy is right, he won't turn you down.
When you do meet a nice guy who will take you out and tell you you're beautiful, smart, funny instead of HOT or SEXY (which the right guy will use these terms, but they probably won't be his go-to compliment), please do not obsess over him. If he forgets to call or text you, just remember that he may be busy or with his friends/family. Give these guys a little slack, they're human after all! (Truth be told, when we were in the early stages of dating, I called my now-husband on my birthday, which I had told him that week when it was, and he told me he couldn't talk because he had friends coming over. He even forgot to tell me happy birthday. It happens to everyone, trust me.) There is definitely a balance between being involved in someone else's life and being involved in your own life. When there isn't space for individuality and independence on both ends, either person or even both people can feel trapped.
When you're talking to a guy, there is a fine line between being interested and being desperate. Men tend to stay away from women who are desperate for attention, since those women come off as unconfident. As I said before, men love confidence, because that shows that she knows who she is and what she wants. But the attempts to be in someone's life only turns into desperation when you go after something repeatedly with the same approach, expecting different results or when you go after something and expect to get it immediately or without any opposition, where you and the entire relationship just falls to pieces. This also goes for not getting what you want, like reciprocated feelings, but continue to pursue what you already know you can't have.
Always remember that he shouldn't have to knock down your walls to get to your heart. Just because guys don't show it doesn't mean they aren't sensitive. They need affirmation that you trust them (when you get to that point) and that you care about them. To let love into your life, you have to let your guard down. You may get hurt, true, but I find that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. In truth, it is very difficult for another person to fight their way into your life and heart. Not being able to lay the book of your life open for a special someone to read may be a serious sign that you just aren't ready for a relationship. Before trying to pursue a relationship, I say really dig deep and ask yourself if you can let another person know everything about you.
Remember ladies, your love life shouldn't look like a scene from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. ;)
