1. You're gonna smell a lot of farts. His farts. His fucking "I-Want-Taco-Bell"-And-It's-Two-O'clock-In-The-Morning-So-You're-Going-To-Wake-Up-To-The-Smell-Of-My-Farts farts.
2. The bathroom is seriously never going to be as clean as you want it to be.
3. Depending on how much you have in common, there will almost always be a battle over the music being played in the car.
4. He might accidentally punch you in the stomach in the middle of the night.
5. He might accidentally head-butt you in the middle of the night and nearly break your nose.
6. You may get out of doing dishes for the rest of forever. (I hate it, he loves it. Win, win.)
7. Eventually, he's gonna tell you that your ass DOES look big in that _______.
8. You'll to have to accept that he's going to see you on your bad hair days, bad face days, bad diet days, bad attitude days, bad outfit days, and "bad, bad, bad" days.
9. He's going to call you crazy. Because you're being crazy.
10. Breaking free of the oafish-husband stereotype, sometimes he'll actually remember stuff that you don't.
11. Over time, he's probably going train you to eat quickly.
12. Somewhere along the magical, beautiful, whimsical life you'll build together, you may start referring to him as "dude" or "bro."
Last, but not least:
13. At work, he's going to open that sexy snap you sent him 5 days ago and rush home to see you, only to find out that you're pissed because he didn't buy you tampons, like he said he would.
Marriage is a beautiful, beautiful thing.
