With my college days coming to an end in less than a week and I've really happy with all that I've accomplished. I have also been thinking about statements that people have said to me about being married in college, which is why I deemed myself as "That Married Girl."
"I couldn't be married in college... I just wouldn't want to be tied down. I want to be able to do whatever I want."
While in college, I've done just about everything: IU School of Liberal Arts Student Ambassador, tutoring in the University Writing Center, being an Editor before becoming Managing Editor for genesis Literary and Art Magazine, service learning, on- and off-campus volunteering, Greek life, IU School of Education's Student Council, a few different major changes, a few different jobs that weren't related to my career, just to name a few. ;)
Why is it that I've worked my ass off, proving my ability and talent in several different areas of my career, and yet people still believe that marriage means being limited?
No, I don't have much time to do gourmet cook or sew or do laundry, but with my aforementioned schedule, I doubt I'd have time for much recreational activity, but that's not because I'm married.
Yes, I have plenty of time for friends, family, travel, work, exercise, and my education, all while maintaining a fulfilling and rewarding marriage.
No, as a single or dating college student, you do not have more opportunities for sex than I do.
Yes, I do do whatever I want with my time, my body, and my life, but with some consideration for my husband's happiness at the same time.
"When are you having baaaaaaaabies? You two would be great parents."
Notice how no one ever really asks me if I want to have children, but simply when I will have them. I think this assumption is unfair. I've talked with my husband about this at great length, just to see if/how much he gets pressured to become a parent. As far as I know, people have only asked if he currently has children and when he says, "no," they typically drop the subject.
The subject of motherhood is all too often another way our culture pushes women into the archaic ways of life where a woman's worth equated to her ability to bear and raise children; a common topic of discussion for feminists in a society where we're already undervalued.
There's this huge amount of pressure that's put on women to have children, but who can really say that parenting is for me or that I would be a "great parent" when I've had very little experience with children. I don't find myself to be maternal, even though I do try to take care of my friends and have an inviting home where my friends feel comfortable. Just because I'm good at reading, good at planning meals and parties, feel comfortable giving advice to others when it is useful, enjoy spending time discussing ways we can make the world better, have feminine qualities and the biological equipment to give birth, does not mean that I want to be a parent or would be good at doing so.
Just because I am married doesn't mean that I haven't completely become who I am or who I will be in the rest of the years of my life. I'm still trying to get an understanding of who I am and what it is that I want in life; how I'm going to suck the marrow out of life, if you will. My husband and I don't depend on each other, contrary to the popular belief that once you're married you lose your identity. Simply put, I'm young and I haven't got it all figured out just yet.
"This is Jenn. She's married."
I come back to this little quote from my first post.
I am Jenn. It's that simple.
The fact that I'm married at 23 does not define who I am, what I like, where I go, what I say, what I wear, or how I live my life. I am a human being and the fact that I'm "taken" does not mean that I am not flirty or fun, that I am a prude or unfriendly, that I am not a feminist or thinking for myself, etc.
It means that I am Jenn, a free-spirited wild child, with a college degree (almost) who has been married since before she started college almost 5 full years ago. I'm just an in-love married girl, living life the best way I know how.
