For some people, this may not seem like something noteworthy, but since the day we moved in together (my 18th birthday, 5+ years ago), we had never spent more than two sleeps apart at a time. (I was supposed to be away from him for 10 sleeps last summer, but my family exploded and I came home.)
I was nervous at first; flying, public transportation, wandering about a new city, and experiencing all sorts of new things. All without Dylan, my best friend. Of course, I missed him while he was back home in Indianapolis, mainly because I like to share new experiences with him, but I gained something new with his absence.
When I met a new person, hit a cool restaurant, or smelled some ganja in the air, I wanted to see the look of thrill on my husband's face. But as I went along doing these things, I felt less and less tethered to the low-key disappointment of him missing out on the adventure of such events.
I took them in. Just for me.
As I went along, I felt more and more like a lone being. I haven't felt singular for such a long time, but I still felt comfortable.
Honestly, I hardly thought about my husband, other than when I saw street art. For me, within my marriage, it has been difficult at times to consider that there is a world of my own out there, that doesn't contain Dylan. Of course, when I'm in class or working on my art or tutoring, I'm alone in my world. I know that our universes simply overlap, as they are not simply one and the same.
Yes, of course, I adore traveling with my husband. We always have so much fun on our trips, but I came to value an experience (grand and happy) that will be private in most ways. I love having him by my side, creating memories together that will last forever. (Or until we slip into dementia...) On my own, I took a city into my heart, learned it, and let it change me. I have my own memories to look back on; I know the vibe of Seattle, the smell, the kindness of its strangers, the quaint surprises that lie just another block down, all of which belong to just me.
People always say, "I'm single because I want to be able to do whatever I want," which I HATE. As if you can't travel across the county on your own once you're married...
So here I am. I did a scary and exciting thing by traveling without my love. I gave myself a gift of exploration and self-discovery, simply within a different context. No, I didn't go to fall in love with a Seattleite, as a truly single gal may have, but I did fall in love with Seattle.
