In college, we all meet so many new people that we often feel like we have to make quick judgements to see who we want to spend time getting to know. It's impossible to regularly hang out with all the friends you make. You see who those who are charming, unique, and those with similar interests as friends. Within that, there is a hierarchy of friendship.
So, yes, I understand why people label others. My peers have asked me the craziest questions about my personal life; about when I will have children (if they didn't already assume I had children), if my husband was my first boyfriend (even though I'm very open about my past and the fact that I like to "try before I buy"), if I'm "allowed" to go out to bars (with OR without my spouse), how I'm a feminist if I married so young, etc.
I don't like these labels or questions because I don't impose these on others according to their relationship status.
I know plenty of single parents.
I know a few people who have never been in a relationship or have been with the same person since high school.
I am "allowed" to go to bars because that's where my friends and I like to hang out, sometimes.
I'm a feminist, first and foremost.
During college, I feel like I've always had to debunk marriage myths. I wouldn't call Dylan and I a traditional couple or old-fashioned in any way. We have our own hobbies, our own friends (who overlap, sometimes), our own cars, our own creative spaces in our apartment, our own go-to lunch groups; we have a lot of space to be ourselves without the influence of the others over what we're doing or working on.
Some people have suggested that marriage keeps you from having fun, but I have just as much fun married as I did when I was single, if not more. I have my best friend that I can do anything with. We're spontaneous, so at the drop of a hat, we're going on adventures or dates or arranging plans with friends. And as those who hang out in the "Green Room" (aka our living room) already know, we can throw some kickass parties.
What college has given us as a couple, is the ability to be educated in worldly matters, discuss our points of view, which aren't always the same, and gain independence through challenging ourselves and each other. Freedom and independence are key to any marriage, but especially if you're busy with school and/or work.
Among my closest friends, I'm still known to be a little irreverent. I make crude jokes, I swear, and I'll let you know (quite politely) if I disagree with you. I laugh until I cry, drink until I puke, and sing until my voice is hoarse.
Nothing about who I am has been decided or based around being married. I charm. I out-wit. I educate. I challange. I create. I understand. I find beauty in every single day. I work hard. These all come from always striving to be the best version of myself: for me, most of all, and for my husband.
I went to college so that I could become more knowledgeable, in order to make a difference in society with the intelligence that I was naturally given. The more educated I became, the more compassionate I became. I earned my degree because of MY hard work and here's a cold, hard fact:
More people ask me about my marriage than about my education.
No one asks what classes I took or am taking.
Everyone asks me how long I've been married.
No one asks me how many jobs I have, while carrying on my full-time class schedule.
Everyone asks me how old I was when I got married.
No one asks me how many hours in the day I'm at work, in class, or doing homework.
Everyone asks me how I met my husband.
No one asks me what my GPA is or how many times I've been on the Dean's List.
Everyone asks me what my husband does and if he went to college.
No one asks me if I'm more educated than my husband, which I am.
Everyone asks me how much money my husband makes.
Everyone questions information I give them that I learned in classes I've taken, classes I've soaked up the material, subjects that I know much more of than the average person.
And everyone Googles facts, because they aren't ever sure if I'm right. Even with a college degree.
What did I learn about being married in college?
My life, and especially my marriage, are not impacted by or reliant upon the opinions of others.
Post-college, I hope the world offers me the same opportunities that I worked five years for in college. I hope that an employer won't notice my wedding ring in and interview. I hope that my (future) co-workers don't judge me for being married, but for the hell-of-a-lot I bring to the table.
No longer a married girl in college, but forever a married girl.
xo
