Free Yourself

"He offered her the world; she said she had her own."

I often write about independence in life and in marriage, but I never feel like I get the whole message across in one piece. I find independence so important because of my Feminist beliefs. Women have been expected to be a wife and a mother, but, historically, were rarely expected to achieve success in their own right.

Feminism is the idea and supports the idea that the sexes are equal. I feel that teaching women to be dependent on men diminishes that equality and that tension-filled expectation is completely unfair to both sexes. Many men are expected to “bring home the bacon,” even if they want to spend their life doing charity work or being a stay-at-home dad. This puts unnecessary pressure on the men in our society, which can keep them from reaching their highest potential.

Our society at large supports the notion of women’s dependency, in that women make $0.22 less than every man’s dollar. Our society literally shows us that, socially, culturally, politically, and economically, we are worth less than men and that we are not expected to or granted the ability to thrive on our own.

It seems so rarely expected for a woman to be self-sustaining.

On top of all of that, we have songs and media portrayals that label women who do not work or make as much money as her romantic interest as a “gold-digger,” when women have been told for centuries that their entire life ambition should revolve around being a housewife and caretaker.

Let me squash this quickly: no woman NEEDS a man.

Hell no.

Evan married women do not NEED their husband. In suggesting that all women are dependent on men, we are denying a group of people the intrinsic right of independence. We are born alone. We die alone.

I can and do take care of myself. I make sure that I have food when I am hungry, sleep when I am tired, exercise when I am restless, and that I get my ass up Monday through Friday to work an 8am – 5pm job, so that I CAN provide for myself.

My husband did not earn my college degree or teach me to be strong in moments of difficulty. My experiences in life and the hurdles that I have dominated have taught me that. Only the things that I have endured in my life have led me to where I am.

While in college, my husband was often the only one working. I had jobs here and there, but wasn’t working full-time or part-time for the majority of five years. My stance on independence may puzzle you, since I did rely on my husband’s income for quite some time. I'm sure many people have had their opinions and judged me due to the lifestyle that my husband and I have. We both see that even though I was not making money during that time, I was indeed working toward a secure financial future for myself. In relationships, there should be a sense of teamwork. My husband and I have a joint bank account, but our bills are also in both of our names because the highs and lows of responsibility is OURS to handle.

I love my husband and I look to him for support after a tough day, but I do not depend on his love to carry me throughout my life. I allow his love to make me feel valued inside of our relationship, but my value in the world is much richer and deeper than that.

As young women we have a responsibility to persevere and make something of ourselves on a career-level. Forty years ago, an office workplace was sometimes filled with crude behavior and inappropriate sexual comments toward female employees. Not only was there an unlikelihood for advancement, but the treatment these path-paving, barrier-breaking career women went through should be enough to inspire today’s women to fight via success and achievement.

It is my belief that when you have your own thing: work, projects, hobbies, travels, finances, friends, etc., you end up being happier. I know for me, when I stepped out in college and started running the university’s literary magazine and was tutoring on the University Writing Center, I felt so much more independent. I felt proud of myself for my hard work and achievements.

Each one of us has control over where we go and what we do in our lifetime. As women, why should we ever let ourselves be dwindled down to the roles we play in our household? Obviously, there are women who find true fulfillment in being a housewife, but that doesn't mean that your independence don't matter. We are worth more than what our culture tells us. 

Not only do we owe it the generations of women that came before us, who survived through so much more than what I mentioned above, but we owe it to ourselves and the women who come after us. Stay strong and build your OWN life, in which your destiny is in your own hands.