Men are often taught to play the field and have a good time chasing tail while they're young. Our society tells young men that they should focus on themselves and do what makes them happy. If a man wants to get married, they are encouraged to wait until they're older. The American education system is even specifically designed for men to succeed, whether you believe it or not. How many CEOs are female in comparison to male? How many doctors, lawyers, scientists, and even astronauts are female compared to male? Men are to look for sex and success.
Women are trained to feel afraid. Afraid that they aren't good enough. Afraid that they will never get married. Afraid that their ass is too fat or too flat. Afraid that they aren't beautiful. Afraid that no one will ever take them seriously. Afraid that they aren't smart enough or too smart. Afraid that they will be called a slut for having the same amount of sexual partners as the average male. Afraid to walk the streets alone at night. Afraid that someone might ask them what they were wearing when they were raped. Afraid that they won't make as much money as their co-worker. Afraid of being too outspoken and be considered a bitch. Afraid to fail. Afraid to try.
From the time that women are just children, we are taught to be modest and quiet. But what happens when I'm a loud, sexual being that happens to be female?
I was taught what other women were taught, but as I grew older, I disassociated with the authoritative figures who taught me to be these things. To be honest, I never truly viewed my mom as an authority. She punished me from time to time, but mostly she gave me advice. She has made mistakes that I have learned from. At the same time, I have made my own mistakes, and she never said, "I told you so."
In my mother's strong and weak moments, I have learned the kind of woman I want to be.
I never want to bring down another person, but especially a female. Women live a very difficult life in the American culture. Minority and gay women have it even harder, because there are more stereotypes that they have to push against, and many of them feel even less like the "ideal American woman." (Some other cultures are even more disrespectful toward women.) Even the word feminist is often seen as a negative term.
Inside marriages, women are expected to be the homemaker and caretaker. In my marriage, I spend a great deal of my time handling business. I go to school full-time, I have two internships, and a leadership role on campus. I don't have time to cook dinner. I don't have time to do the laundry. On my days off (2 days), I clean and do what I can around the house. I am anything but a housewife.
In Beyoncé's (HAPPY B-DAY!) hit song, "Flawless," she speaks out about feminism. The song features part of a speech (part of the TEDxEuston conference) by Nigerian writer, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, who says:
"We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls, 'You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful. Otherwise you will threaten the man.' Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Now marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support. But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same? We raise girls to see each other as competitors – not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing, but for the attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are. Feminist: the person who believes in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes."This specific speech and song mean so much to so many women because a strong, confident, successful, hardworking, intelligent, kind woman is standing up for feminism and womankind. (Beyoncé pictured below at the 2014 MTV VMAs during her medley performance, an honor given to her along with the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award, while 14 million people watched.)
In Adichie's speech, a part not featured in the song, she continues on to say:
"We teach girls shame. 'Close your legs. Cover yourself.' We make them feel as though being born female they're already guilty of something. And so, girls grow up to be women who cannot say they have desire. They grow up to be women who silence themselves. They grow up to be women who cannot say what they truly think. And they grow up – and this is the worst thing we do to girls – they grow up to be women who have turned pretense into an art form."It is our responsibility as a society to smash these rules, expectations, and threats. It is time that every individual is seen as an individual. Yes, men and women are different, but we aren't so different that women should be seen as the lesser.
Think about the women you interact with on a regular basis and review your expectations of them. No human deserves to be dominated or destroyed by societal expectations. Every human deserves kindness and resect. Every human deserves to live a truly free life.
