"What's in a name? A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet..." - William Shakespeare
As always, my guy Shakespeare has a point. In recent times, more and more women are deciding to forgo changing their last name to match their husband's after getting married. Some women do it for professional reasons and some keep their name in order to keep their connection to their family. Whatever the reason, this choice isn't one that should be taken lightly.
Before I met my husband, I had never known a married woman who hadn't changed their last name. As many people know, my mother-in-law kept her maiden name. She and my father-in-law even decided to give all of their children (3 boys and 1 girl) her last name, Martin, as their middle names. But for me, the decision to change my name was always easy. I used to be closed off to the idea that women would keep their maiden name, as I thought that the decision to not take a man's name kept the two individuals from being a cohesive family unit, that was obvious by the names alone. I was wrong about that, though. (A family is a family regardless of name, just as my best friends are my family. One of those best friends, Shelby has, along with her entire family, adopted me as part of their relation, to which I will be eternally grateful.)
I changed my name for many reasons. I wanted Dylan and I to be the first two pieces of our family and I wanted to follow the tradition. The most controversial reason, though, was that I no longer wanted to be immediately associated with MY family. My parents were divorced and I didn't grow up in either of my parent's homes. My mother didn't keep her married name after divorce, even though her children had that name, which made me feel even more so that I didn't need my maiden name.
I moved out of my grandma's house on my 18th birthday and in with my then-boyfriend. I got married at 18, as well, 2 weeks before I started college.
When I changed my name, I was able to become a different person, of sorts. No one that I've met in college has ever known me as Jennifer Brewer. And I like it that way. I wanted to become my own independent self without people thinking of my family. I have been able to establish the two-person family of Nissley in a positive way. With this name I have been a sorority member, an editor and a managing editor, a college student, an wanderlust enthusiast, a student ambassador, a writing tutor, an adventurer, a Matron of Honor, a leader, a friend, a sister, and a wife.
There was a lot of bad blood that I had and still have with some members of my biological family and in some cases, there will probably never be enough time or forgiveness that could ever re-built those relationships.
So I became a Nissley. A member of a fun, loving, thoughtful, respectful, and accepting family.
I've never regretted this choice, as it has helped me become the kind of person that I've always wanted to be. A new name for me meant a new association, therefore letting me shed the skin of my former self and the attachment that came with my given name. I believe that I am blessed and lucky to share the name of my husband, because he represents all the best parts of myself. He challenges me every single day to be the best person I can be, and to be HIS family... That's a decision I can be proud of.
